Life goes on... With you or Without you. (this includes Christmas)

My first Christmas without Mom.    I've not "dreaded it"... in a ways I' dismissed it was even going to happen.    But.... She kept showing up, by well.. not showing up.     When I heard Christmas Carols, there was no teeth to grind.  I didn't have to turn up the radio to drown her off key singing out.   She LOOOOVED "Silent Night"... and for years I shook my head in disbelief as she butchered that beautiful song.    But... I learn something..  like most days.  That Mom's version was HER version.  It was MY version.   It was MY Christmas.     And now it isn't the same.   But... Christmas comes with or without or permission.   And it's here.   And that's OK.     

    Mom was like a child herself about the holidays.  LOVED the hoopla of it all.    Mom mentioned Santa Clause so often, I was sure that SHE believed in him herself...lol.    One year when I was about 5, I found all my Christmas presents in the closet.    I wasn't looking for them.  They were just there.   I Looked at this huge rag doll and thought "I don't even LIKE dolls...  "   But..  my mom wanted me to.    So I made a decision that day.  I wasn't ruining Christmas morning for my mom and I was going to LOOOOVE that doll come Christmas morning.     My Mom's feelings were my world.   To have her disappointed would have crushed me.   She was soft and kind hearted...

    My childhood Christmas memories are of spray snow, cheesy icicles which i LOVED to be the one to decorate the tree with.   Construction paper garland made at school.    The love was incredible.   .   There wasn't much under that tree,   Mom always worked overtime to afford school clothes and Christmas.   I remember getting a barbie head to fix on one year.   I cut her hair within days.   I tended to do that to all the barbies...  cut their hair.    One year I got  a Shawn Cassidy doll  *swooooon*.    And I remember the year I was finally allowed to wear make-up!   WHOO HOO!    She wrapped each piece in wrapping paper and filled the stocking with it.   It was all Cover Girl... I'll never get the smell of menthol make-up out of my mind...lol.    I can remember being told I have to "believe to receive" and pretending to believe that Santa was still visiting.   Again... this charade was for her... more than myself.  

   As Mom got older...our roles changed.   her excitement for Christmas didn't go away ... but now she was the one receiving the presents and I was the one excited for her to see what I got her.   And if it was a dud...lol   she wasn't much of a poker face.. it showed.   So I usually got her a couple of things.. in case.   
  
   Last year she couldn't leave the home, so we all went to her nursing home room and said Merry Christmas.  She wasn't very enthused.   Could tell her spirit was down.   Then she opened her present from Ryan & Sarah.  It was a shiny fuzzy purse... hard to describe.    but it had bling and Mom woke UP.  lol   She kept it in her bed and layed down to sleep with it.   Even calling out to the hall to be sure I hadn't taken it with me.  lol  

   I'd give anything to hear Silent Night sang out of tune, be a child, my mom watch me open a present with so much anticipation of MY reaction to it, to see her gush over a flashy purse. 

  But what I DO have this Christmas?   All of those memories.  All of those values,.   All of the love she ever gave me every day and every Christmas morning.   It all goes to preparing you for when they aren't there.     My Mom can't be here with me this Christmas... but...  it's because she's spending it at home.     

So how's the "Photos by Jo L.C.C." thing going?

Psssshhhhh!   Glad you asked!   So far... so good!   Here are some of my favorites from each session so far...  Can't wait for Spring to come.. and choose some new places to shoot pictures at.

YUP....  I'm enjoying it!!!
That was one from each session... and hard to pick just one.  Love doing the lil kiddos though... I just let them be themselves and try to capture who they are.   LOVE when that occurs!    I have a website.. just haven't worked on it and applied a program to it, etc,..   In my spare time ;) I'll get to that.

Ummmmmmmmmm.... I GOT QUESTIONS!!!

I'm reading over my last blog post and look at pictures of Mom... and I'm looking at this picture:

EXIBIT A

Does anyone else notice something weird in this picture?   Other than the Budweiser can...lol     SURELY our family didn't have beer at family functions.   OK... back on track.

Let me zoom this for ya:


EXIBIT B (a zoom of exibit A)

UMMMMMMM.... Hello!   That is my Mom's LEFT hand and her RING finger... I'm calling on ALL my older cousins NOW!!!     Mom was never married, RIGHT?  


Maybe she was a nun and was married to Jesus?   Naaaa... she's a Willis... no way

 Man, I bet them Willis sisters knew... they all carried each other's secrets to their graves...

Thanksgiving past: Willis fights, scrabble, stretch pants and kids... lots of kids

Not doing Thanksgiving this year.   Just not ready for a big holiday without my Mom.  Not depressed.  Not down.  Just... not ready.  

My Jake and Blake will be at their fathers and our Ryno is going to his Moms... so it'll be me and the Bear.   I've asked my groom to take me hunting tomorrow morning.   I had to twist his arm... hard.  lol

But... Thanksgivings as a child?  They rocked!!

The Willis group was big.  All my aunts had 4-6 kids each.  But, I was raised an only child.  SOOOOOO  I totally loved all the cousin fun.   My Mom had seven siblings.   The oldest, Aunt Rosalie was gone usually.   But after her, there was (in order of oldest to youngest) Aunt Sally, Aunt Jo, Uncle Bubba, Aunt Mary, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Billie and my Mom... Audrey.   I had a special relationship with them each.   Except aunt Billie... she thought I was spoiled and bathed too much.   LOL  I remember my mom defending me... Ya see... Aunt Billie had mostly boys.  And boys.. aren't known for their high attention to hygeine.    If I went outside and played for an hour and got sweaty, I was coming in to take a bath (only to go back out again..lol)  This annoyed her to no end.   I still like to be clean.. I'm funny that way.

   Back to Thanksgiving though...  we had big meals!   We kids always laughed that them women... they wouldn't cook for us kids on a daily basis, but let us all gather and the cooking skills came out the closet.   LOL   Ohhhh and I recall us kids playing outside so the adults could talk.   I always hated being sent from the room because they wanted to talk about something I couldn't hear.   Soooooo wanted to be a grown up.   Now I are and I'd trade back...lol     Two of the aunts would eventually have a disagreement and get into an argument.  THAT was when the real fun began.  One year it was over the football game.   LOL  Most of them were die hard Cowboys fans.    No one messed with my Mom though.   See... Audrey was the baby.  And not one of the sisters would allow anyone to be ugly to the baby.   So she got a "pass" on the drama.    But always tried to make it stop.    By this time though one of the aunts had gathered their 4-5 kids and just left.   LOVED watching the action... HATED watching the cousins leave because of it. 

  Family called me Jo Ellen or Jo Baby.   Mom named me after Aunt Jo and she said from the beginning it would NOT be "big Jo" and "little Jo"...lol  and called me Jo Baby instead.   I don't recall us kids ever getting in the spats on these occasions.  Of course... maybe I was just never involved because I was Audrey's baby.

The aunts and Mom played scrabble... a lot.   In their stretch pants I might add....HA!     They were all so smart.... but eventually there would be an arguement over a word...lol  of course.   Was glad when they finally came out with that little scrabble word book.    My Mom and I played scrabble a lot when it was just us.   Oooohhh and I remember when Aunt Jo bought the deluxe scrabble game.   Pimping!   I still have my Uncle Bubba's scrabble set.   This looks like an old tattered game with mixed tiles (you know... some are blonde and some the maroon wood)... but to me... it's childhood memories.

Of Mom's generation, everyone but Aunt Rosalie have passed away now. I treasure the trip I made to Tennessee in October to see her.  It was important to do that.   Love and miss her.  And some of the cousins have passed too.    It hits me sometimes that we ARE that generation now.   And we're spread out ... we aren't all in the same area like they were.  No big family gatherings here anymore.   They do see their own siblings though and their kids get together.  Guess that's the downfall of being raised an only child...  And the siblings I have found, live from Austin Tx to Murray KY.   

 Once I got older, I did Thanksgiving for my kids and my Mom more than anything.   It was important to her.  To be with her grandkids.   and me too maybe.   So... I'm not up for it this year... a Momless Thanksgiving.  It's not that I'm depressed... and I AM thankful! HOW lucky am I?  Seriously... to have God, my boys & Jenn, my husband, grandkids, my life, my work family, my health and the capability to fill my pantry and gas tank when needed... I have so many blessings I can't even count them.  But one of my greatest appreciations in life is for having her in the first place... Mom.

So no turkey this year.  I'm trying to talk myself into the Christmas tree still... lol

You may not understand this, but I would give anything to see a WILLIS sister brawl about now...

I protest that you protest!

I am really trying to wrap my mind around this... the students of Penn State are PROTESTING the firing of their beloved coach. The man is a legend. No doubt. However, Paterno KNEW his assistant couch showered with and molested a 10yr old boy and he didn't inform the police. So lets protest his firing?


Wait, what?

1. The law: each state has laws about "required reporting" of suspected sexual abuse. IN this falls, police, teachers, COACHES, medical personel, day care workers, etc,... We don't have a "choice". It has to be reported. When we report it to our superiors, they TOO are now obligated to assure it's reported. (Which leaves me asking, why hasn't the other asst coach, McQueary, been fired?.. he witnessed and failed to follow the law as well)

2. My child would never be allowed a "sleepover" at a grown man's house. The request for such a thing would send up an immediate red flag.

3. WHO are the protesters? Well.. I can tell you who they aren't. They are NOT parents. They certainly are NOT the parents of a 10yr old boy that was seen in the shower with Sandusky. They are NOT the parents of the children that were abused PAST that point. I'd like to ask these young adult protesters in about 10 years... after they've held their own child in their hands. AFTER they've felt that overwhelming love and compassion and fierce parental protectiveness in their heart, "SHOULD Coach Paterno have been fired immediately?"  You'd hear a different answer than they are giving today. You don't have to be a parent to have morals and ethics and be law abiding.   Or to see a great injustice was done to these kids, but I think it helps.

4. Why am I discussing Paterno and McQueary and not Sandusky? Sandusky is a pedophile. I can't tell you how it turns my stomach, wrenches my gut and breaks my heart that children were abused. And Sandusky will pay. On this earth and after he leaves it. Blaming Sandusky is a given. Who do I blame for him being allowed to continue sexually abusing these little boys? The other coaches, the administrators. His "punishment" was not being able to bring kids back to the campus. WOW. Seriously think of this... So... we won't report to authorities that you were observed violating a 10yr old boy, just please don't do that HERE on our campus!

5. I "get" Paterno is a legend. I do. And his career will forever be tarnished. But.. be assured, he KNEW the law. As wonderful of a coach as he may have been... his inaction to alert authorities allowed a pedophile to continue abusing children. Would Coach Paterno or Caoch McQueary have let Sandusky near THEIR sons or grandsons? The man used a charity to find kids who needed attention (a pedophiles perfect target) and Coach Paterno knew this. Perterno may be a hero to some college kids... but he FAILED the future and past victims of Sandusky. They all had a responsibility and obligation to report this. They didn't. So fire them all. No last game. No honor.

6. I want to protest all the protesting. We live in the greatest country ever and people are out there protesting things they don't have and aren't owed. There are people using Iphones to protest corporate greed. Does this not seem ironic to anyone else? Americans should be grateful for the things we DO have... not protesting the things we don't. Now, the people of Darfur? THEY got some **** to be protesting.

Takes a lot to insult me... but it CAN be done

First thing is... you have to know me to insult me, right?   I mean.... in general... strangers are just that... strangers.   They don't KNOW me well enough to hurt my feelings.  Usually for me to take "offense" it's from being spoke down to.     That gets my goat (well.. you know.. IF I had a goat... it would get it... and I guess that would anger me, right?)!!!!  

So... I was offended by a friend.   How?.... you ask (or you may not...lol  But... it's my blog.. we all know I'm saying anyway!)?

I was explaining a volunteer thing I'm doing. (which I'd like to blog about once I complete the training process and began the volunteer work.   It's about advocacy for abused children.   Kids are my heart.   My soft spot.)    While describing my hours of evening training and the volunteer role to a friend and she says (in ALL seriousness), "But, I thought you were a republican!"

Oh, Wow. 

I know, The resemblence of me and Pochohonas is uncanny, right?  ;)

Here's the thing... I don't PUSH my politics on people.  Nor will I debate my belief system with someone.  I don't have to defend it.   It is based on my experiences, research and "take" on the issues.   And I won't take the bait and "answer" to anyone as to WHY I think this way.    You see... I really AM passionate about it.    Could I defend myself?   Well.. shhhhhaaaaaaa!   But, I would rather keep a friend than draw lines in the sand.   It's the "cup half full" part of me.   I prefer smiles and hugs over sneers and jeers. (This can annoy people.. I know)    My Mom and I didn't discuss politics.   And I love her more than chocolate.

So... I cared about this friend's opinion... obviously.  And was surprised at this comment.   I didn't even KNOW her political views.  Nor had I ever assumed to know them.

Me,"What?  Ha!   You're joking, right?"
Her,"No... I don't understand.  Don't republicans hate poor people and all free programs"
Me,"Seriously?"
Her,"yeah"
Me,"I'm more conservative than republican...   but political party has NOTHING to do with this."
Her,"Well... most republicans are rich"
Me,"I am NOT rich.  and was raised poor"
Her,"Yeah... so how did you become a republican then?"

I disengaged from the conversation.    And I resisted her urging me to explain WHY I believed as I do.      My name isn't Bill O'Rielly... I don't have a show on FOX News.   Therefore, I don't feel the need to explore your politics with you or justify mine. 

Don't look at a person's political party, religion, race, job, tattoos, clothes, etc... and assume to know what's in their heart.  

Rena...

                                                    What a doll?!?!?!

More pictures of her to come:    Photos by Jo