Candy Crush Recovery...

 

  

 

Hi. My name is Jo and I am a Candy Crush addict. It’s been 156days since I last played.

I was in deep. I can remember.. That feel of power when I leveled up, the disappointment when I didn’t, and the way I pumped my fist in the air when I finally got through a really tough level. My BFF Ronnie got me hooked on the stuff… one day an innocent “please just play one time so I can pass to the next level” was all it took. I guess I was vulnerable in my need to be liked, my curiosity as to what had captured this intelligent man so much and it had the word “Candy” in it…. CANDY! Before I knew it.. I was playing daily… I never went to sleep without those little pieces of candy dancing in my head. I had it bad.. The Candy Crush Fever.

One morning… I woke early for work.. It was 4am. I’d been struggling to level up. So I… (please don’t judge) … purchased “extras” to make it through my level. I know… I KNOW! When I saw the charge on my I Tunes bill… That was MY rock bottom. I’m too frugal for this addiction.

I don’t judge you for continuing yours though… I just worry. I see you on FB…begging for lives… your little cartoon notifications on your FB status of how you leveled up. I know all too well the side effects… Your husband saying,” Tell me you are not playing that game” and your kids hungry but you “let me finish this game first” . Your fingers tingling from constant candy play. Trying to figure out if it is strategy or just dumb luck to the whole thing.

Now.. With all my extra time, I’m a more productive member of society. No longer playing reindeer games while waiting on my food at a restaruant, watching the 10 o’clock news or using the restroom (Oh.. Don’t even pretend to judge.. You know you do that!) NOW… I browse Reddit, People of Wal-mart, and stalk you (and your friends) on FaceBook. No more do I think of the lil crush of hard candy or soft dissipation of jellies, the satisfaction of unlocking a sweet treat…. and oh.. The crumble of chocolate blocks. *sigh*

I do wonder though… how many levels ARE there in Candy Crush.. And are the makers struggling to keep up with the addicts leveling up?

  And is it 12 steps to my recovery?   Or more...

No news is good news?

Sooooo... It's been a while.
Life has treated me well.

My God bias smiled over me and kept me safe and warm.  

Since my last blog:
Ron was promoted to arson investigator for the Louisiana State Fire
Marshals office.   He's just the same romantic alpha male he ever was. B I like this.  That I know him.   I am so safe in his arms.  

My Blake is still taking courses and living in recovery.    He has started a business... He assembles custom electric guitar pedals.    It's kept him busy.   :-).    There is a link to it on my Facebook.  

My step, Ryan, is in nursing school and on track to graduate this year.   He's such a good young man. Has great integrity, like his father,.    He and Sarah have been together 8 years...  They are doing well.    

My step Matt has been working hard.   He will have to face a past mistake a s I pray that has a great outcome.   Because spiritually and maturity wise....he's at a great place.  

My stepgurl Jennifer is doing well,... Haven't spoke but we have that relationship that picks back up if it has been two days or two months since we talked.    She stays active in her fight against lupus .     And our grand baby Hayden is brilliant as ever.

My jake...... Has a girlfriend.    (Sigh).   They text til the can see each other , than Skype in between that.   They are quite smitten.    Not much else to say.    She's a very pretty and smart young lady.    I like her.

We lost Ron's father last year.    That was not easy.  And Relode and Roxie passed.  

In October we got a boy boykin pup ... His name is Remi.   And he's a messssss.  He and Bella have kept this place active.

My heart is full and lucky
I am still a CASA volunteer and doing photography.    At the pace I like.
Was sick this week, along with the Bear... Was no fun.... But only temporary.
There .... Ill do better this year.

"NOOOO!... STOP! I HAVE TO GET SOMETHING FROM MY ROOM!"

For the story, I'm about to tell.. you need to read this one:
http://jojothedogfacegirl.blogspot.com/2011/01/what-would-mom-do.html

So, I found these little metal vials, that held ashes.   And gave little Rex one with some of his Aunt Audrey's ashes in it.   It had a black velvet necklace to attach.     I had a few of them made with Mom's name on them (for her grandchildren, Jason, etc,... could have one as well.     Last summer I went to see Becky and gave her Rex's necklace and his baggie with some of his Aunt Audrey's ashes in them.   

Becky called me today.   She told me about Rex Easter egg hunting this past Easter Sunday.    All the kids had their baskets ready to rush the back yard, when Rex yells, "NOOOO!... Stop!  I have to go get something from my room!"    Becky said he ran to his room before anyone could say anything, so they had all the kids wait while they waited on Rex to return.     He came back into the room putting on his necklace with his Aunt Audrey's ashes.   Becky said, " Rex, what are you doing?"   And he replied," I'm taking Aunt Audrey to hunt Easter eggs!"

Becky said the adults got teary eyed and smiled.... they all loved my Mom.   Becky's kids think my Mom hung the moon (I'm pretty sure they're right about this).    And I just think of how much my Mom LOVED the holidays.  

I miss Mom as much today as I did a year ago.   This will never change.  And that's ok.   It's pain and love and happiness and sorrow all wrapped up.    I remember the exact way her hugs felt and her lips kissing my cheek as she told me she loved me.    The other day I passed a mirror and I saw her.  No..lol.. I'm not seeing ghosts...   Just realize how much I am like her.     Earlier I did something and immediatly thought of her.. and Ron laughed and said "that's just like your mom would do...".      

There's not a doubt in my mind that Rex's Aunt Audrey was with him on Sunday...

Life goes on... With you or Without you. (this includes Christmas)

My first Christmas without Mom.    I've not "dreaded it"... in a ways I' dismissed it was even going to happen.    But.... She kept showing up, by well.. not showing up.     When I heard Christmas Carols, there was no teeth to grind.  I didn't have to turn up the radio to drown her off key singing out.   She LOOOOVED "Silent Night"... and for years I shook my head in disbelief as she butchered that beautiful song.    But... I learn something..  like most days.  That Mom's version was HER version.  It was MY version.   It was MY Christmas.     And now it isn't the same.   But... Christmas comes with or without or permission.   And it's here.   And that's OK.     

    Mom was like a child herself about the holidays.  LOVED the hoopla of it all.    Mom mentioned Santa Clause so often, I was sure that SHE believed in him herself...lol.    One year when I was about 5, I found all my Christmas presents in the closet.    I wasn't looking for them.  They were just there.   I Looked at this huge rag doll and thought "I don't even LIKE dolls...  "   But..  my mom wanted me to.    So I made a decision that day.  I wasn't ruining Christmas morning for my mom and I was going to LOOOOVE that doll come Christmas morning.     My Mom's feelings were my world.   To have her disappointed would have crushed me.   She was soft and kind hearted...

    My childhood Christmas memories are of spray snow, cheesy icicles which i LOVED to be the one to decorate the tree with.   Construction paper garland made at school.    The love was incredible.   .   There wasn't much under that tree,   Mom always worked overtime to afford school clothes and Christmas.   I remember getting a barbie head to fix on one year.   I cut her hair within days.   I tended to do that to all the barbies...  cut their hair.    One year I got  a Shawn Cassidy doll  *swooooon*.    And I remember the year I was finally allowed to wear make-up!   WHOO HOO!    She wrapped each piece in wrapping paper and filled the stocking with it.   It was all Cover Girl... I'll never get the smell of menthol make-up out of my mind...lol.    I can remember being told I have to "believe to receive" and pretending to believe that Santa was still visiting.   Again... this charade was for her... more than myself.  

   As Mom got older...our roles changed.   her excitement for Christmas didn't go away ... but now she was the one receiving the presents and I was the one excited for her to see what I got her.   And if it was a dud...lol   she wasn't much of a poker face.. it showed.   So I usually got her a couple of things.. in case.   
  
   Last year she couldn't leave the home, so we all went to her nursing home room and said Merry Christmas.  She wasn't very enthused.   Could tell her spirit was down.   Then she opened her present from Ryan & Sarah.  It was a shiny fuzzy purse... hard to describe.    but it had bling and Mom woke UP.  lol   She kept it in her bed and layed down to sleep with it.   Even calling out to the hall to be sure I hadn't taken it with me.  lol  

   I'd give anything to hear Silent Night sang out of tune, be a child, my mom watch me open a present with so much anticipation of MY reaction to it, to see her gush over a flashy purse. 

  But what I DO have this Christmas?   All of those memories.  All of those values,.   All of the love she ever gave me every day and every Christmas morning.   It all goes to preparing you for when they aren't there.     My Mom can't be here with me this Christmas... but...  it's because she's spending it at home.     

So how's the "Photos by Jo L.C.C." thing going?

Psssshhhhh!   Glad you asked!   So far... so good!   Here are some of my favorites from each session so far...  Can't wait for Spring to come.. and choose some new places to shoot pictures at.

YUP....  I'm enjoying it!!!
That was one from each session... and hard to pick just one.  Love doing the lil kiddos though... I just let them be themselves and try to capture who they are.   LOVE when that occurs!    I have a website.. just haven't worked on it and applied a program to it, etc,..   In my spare time ;) I'll get to that.

Ummmmmmmmmm.... I GOT QUESTIONS!!!

I'm reading over my last blog post and look at pictures of Mom... and I'm looking at this picture:

EXIBIT A

Does anyone else notice something weird in this picture?   Other than the Budweiser can...lol     SURELY our family didn't have beer at family functions.   OK... back on track.

Let me zoom this for ya:


EXIBIT B (a zoom of exibit A)

UMMMMMMM.... Hello!   That is my Mom's LEFT hand and her RING finger... I'm calling on ALL my older cousins NOW!!!     Mom was never married, RIGHT?  


Maybe she was a nun and was married to Jesus?   Naaaa... she's a Willis... no way

 Man, I bet them Willis sisters knew... they all carried each other's secrets to their graves...

Thanksgiving past: Willis fights, scrabble, stretch pants and kids... lots of kids

Not doing Thanksgiving this year.   Just not ready for a big holiday without my Mom.  Not depressed.  Not down.  Just... not ready.  

My Jake and Blake will be at their fathers and our Ryno is going to his Moms... so it'll be me and the Bear.   I've asked my groom to take me hunting tomorrow morning.   I had to twist his arm... hard.  lol

But... Thanksgivings as a child?  They rocked!!

The Willis group was big.  All my aunts had 4-6 kids each.  But, I was raised an only child.  SOOOOOO  I totally loved all the cousin fun.   My Mom had seven siblings.   The oldest, Aunt Rosalie was gone usually.   But after her, there was (in order of oldest to youngest) Aunt Sally, Aunt Jo, Uncle Bubba, Aunt Mary, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Billie and my Mom... Audrey.   I had a special relationship with them each.   Except aunt Billie... she thought I was spoiled and bathed too much.   LOL  I remember my mom defending me... Ya see... Aunt Billie had mostly boys.  And boys.. aren't known for their high attention to hygeine.    If I went outside and played for an hour and got sweaty, I was coming in to take a bath (only to go back out again..lol)  This annoyed her to no end.   I still like to be clean.. I'm funny that way.

   Back to Thanksgiving though...  we had big meals!   We kids always laughed that them women... they wouldn't cook for us kids on a daily basis, but let us all gather and the cooking skills came out the closet.   LOL   Ohhhh and I recall us kids playing outside so the adults could talk.   I always hated being sent from the room because they wanted to talk about something I couldn't hear.   Soooooo wanted to be a grown up.   Now I are and I'd trade back...lol     Two of the aunts would eventually have a disagreement and get into an argument.  THAT was when the real fun began.  One year it was over the football game.   LOL  Most of them were die hard Cowboys fans.    No one messed with my Mom though.   See... Audrey was the baby.  And not one of the sisters would allow anyone to be ugly to the baby.   So she got a "pass" on the drama.    But always tried to make it stop.    By this time though one of the aunts had gathered their 4-5 kids and just left.   LOVED watching the action... HATED watching the cousins leave because of it. 

  Family called me Jo Ellen or Jo Baby.   Mom named me after Aunt Jo and she said from the beginning it would NOT be "big Jo" and "little Jo"...lol  and called me Jo Baby instead.   I don't recall us kids ever getting in the spats on these occasions.  Of course... maybe I was just never involved because I was Audrey's baby.

The aunts and Mom played scrabble... a lot.   In their stretch pants I might add....HA!     They were all so smart.... but eventually there would be an arguement over a word...lol  of course.   Was glad when they finally came out with that little scrabble word book.    My Mom and I played scrabble a lot when it was just us.   Oooohhh and I remember when Aunt Jo bought the deluxe scrabble game.   Pimping!   I still have my Uncle Bubba's scrabble set.   This looks like an old tattered game with mixed tiles (you know... some are blonde and some the maroon wood)... but to me... it's childhood memories.

Of Mom's generation, everyone but Aunt Rosalie have passed away now. I treasure the trip I made to Tennessee in October to see her.  It was important to do that.   Love and miss her.  And some of the cousins have passed too.    It hits me sometimes that we ARE that generation now.   And we're spread out ... we aren't all in the same area like they were.  No big family gatherings here anymore.   They do see their own siblings though and their kids get together.  Guess that's the downfall of being raised an only child...  And the siblings I have found, live from Austin Tx to Murray KY.   

 Once I got older, I did Thanksgiving for my kids and my Mom more than anything.   It was important to her.  To be with her grandkids.   and me too maybe.   So... I'm not up for it this year... a Momless Thanksgiving.  It's not that I'm depressed... and I AM thankful! HOW lucky am I?  Seriously... to have God, my boys & Jenn, my husband, grandkids, my life, my work family, my health and the capability to fill my pantry and gas tank when needed... I have so many blessings I can't even count them.  But one of my greatest appreciations in life is for having her in the first place... Mom.

So no turkey this year.  I'm trying to talk myself into the Christmas tree still... lol

You may not understand this, but I would give anything to see a WILLIS sister brawl about now...