"I'm not doing another thing until I get a cigarette"

I said that MANY times.  And meant it.

I use to smoke .  And I don't mean... I enjoyed one with a beer.  I don't mean a 1/2 pack a day.   I'm talking about a 2 pack of Marlboro light 100s (in the box) a day habit.    I like it.    LOVED it.   Smoking.   I was a hardcore smoker.   I was cranky if it'd been two hours between smokes. 

Not bragging.  I was a fool.

I have asthma.  And then.. chronic bronchitis.   Yet.. I smoked.  A lot.   My friends/family always "preached" how I needed to quit.   I found this annoying.   I didn't want to stop.  I liked smoking.  I had smoked since as 12 or 13.  I was addicted. 

(Ironically... I hated other peoples smoke)

Well... In 2001 I got sick.  Not a little sick.  I got low O2 level, bronchitis, chest constricted, pneumonia in my right upper lobe admitted to the hospital, go to the ER NOW sick.   I was a single Mom.

I smoked my last cigarette on the drive from his office to the hospital (which is across the street...), but I knew it'd be a while til I got another one.    When I finished, I sat there... short of breath... coughing.   I went into the ER, they were expecting me.

 The admitting clerk asked a very important question of me.  "Who's your next of kin?"   I sat there for a moment.   She looked at me kind of odd.   My mind was reeling.   BAM!    It hit me.. My next of kin was a 3yr old and a 15yr old who was struggling with the divorce still.  OMG!  If I die, my sons.   If I die... I will leave my sons.  If I keep this up... I will kill myself and leave my sons.

I get the the floor and my doctor meets me there.  He lays it out for me.  As long as I smoke...this was going to be my life.  Frequent addmissions and probably an oxygen tank to attend my son's graduation.

When he left.  I prayed.   I made a deal...  "Dear lord... get me through this.   I will never smoke another cigarette.  I need to live for my sons.  I need a better quality of life to be a mother.  Help me with the cravings and I promise to never touch another cigarette"    I felt his presence.

 I quit smoking.  Not patches.  No gum.  No cravings.  Nothing.  Just God's grace.   He took that craving from me.

I never wanted another cigarette.   Not even when stressed, out with friends, or any of those situations that triggers a smoker to light up.  Anyone who knew me then, is still amazed that I quit smoking.  My own doctor would question me when I went in about if I really had quit. 

I do weigh more (much) than I did when I smoked like a chimney.  It is true... food tastes better. (ha)   I recently found out my biological father was a heavy smoker and passed away with emphesema.   This was the path I was on.  

My whole point to this... is that God is there for us.   I was blessed that day in that hospital room.   God answers unselfish prayers.   And I never would have quit for myself.   It wasn't until I realized how hurt my sons would be by my self destructive demise, that I called upon God's help.   And being a graceful God, He answered. 

And I have never once gone back on my word with God.  Nor will I.